An Apology: what it is and what it isn’t

An Apology is NOT…

• I am sorry you feel that way

• That was not my intention

• Maybe this is one of your triggers

• You are making this into such a big deal out of nothing

An Apology is…

• I am sorry I hurt you

• I will be more mindful of this

• I am sorry, can you help me understand what this hurts you

If you are on the receiving end of an apology, which one would you prefer? Do you want your partner to say anything about your triggers or tell you that you are just too sensitive? Of course not. You want your partner to say sorry that they hurt you, that they will be more mindful, that they will try harder next time. Give these a try and see the difference in the response you get with your apologies.

Paul Lucas is a marriage and relationship therapist that helps couples with their communication so that they can feel heard and seen, where conflicts become connection and where couples can get unstuck. Paul has an office in Burlington, Ontario and works virtually for everyone else across Ontario and beyond.