Breaking the Rules in Couples Therapy

When you think of couples therapy what comes to your mind? A couch, therapist asking “how does that make you feel?”, maybe some yelling.

We break the rules. The new way of doing couples therapy involves the therapist much more than the old way. There isn’t any “how did that make you feel” question. There is no nodding of the head for an hour.

So what exactly is different?

It is direct. I will guide you out of the rut that you are in. I ask very direct questions. I keep asking until I get an answer. The purpose of therapy is to help your relationship. We stay focused on that.

It is interactive. I ask questions. I provide insight. I challenge thoughts. We do a lot of role playing. I will help you say the right things to your partner. We will test out new techniques in the office so you get a feel for it before going home.

I take sides. This is a big rule breaker! Most therapists who do couples counselling will still not take sides. But think about it.. not all problems are fifty fifty. Sometimes a problem really is seventy thirty. Or ninety ten. I take sides, as needed, on specific issues, not on the entire breakdown of the relationship.

There is homework. I don’t understand therapists who work with couples without giving homework. An hour in session once a week will not fix your marriage. I provide homework and suggested activities to do in between sessions. They are designed to build on what we have discussed in session. I will also follow up to see how successful or unsuccessful those activities were.

Relational Life Therapy combined with the Gottman Method and Cognitive Behavior Therapy is my style of working with couples. RLT challenges the behavior and thoughts, is direct and encourages takes sides to help level out the control in the relationship. Gottman utilizes exceptional homework activities to encourage communication, conflict resolution and emotional leaning towards each other rather than leaning away. And CBT to further challenge thoughts and behaviors, and to help understand our thought processes.